Lonely London Lad's Rolls Royce Condos
A Little Boot Background
This was the Rolls that started it all:
Do you remember "Chap in the Boot", that affable fellow who lived (for a short while, alas) in the boot ("trunk", to you American fans) of LLL's 1954 Rolls Royce? Pity he had to go so soon. But then we ran a contest to find a successor, and chose an LLL superfan named Skyler, who took up residence for a month before being evicted for enjoying it too much.
Well, all that nonsense put a brilliant idea into my head: Buy a fleet of Rolls Royces and rent out the boots of each of them to eager people who don't know any better.
Live Like Landed Gentry in the Boot of LLL's Rolls
It's one thing to be driven about town in a Rolls; but it's something entirely more luxurious to wake up every morning in the boot of a Rolls, pop the latch, and see the sun rise (depending on which way the car was parked the night before). Sipping your coffee as you attempt in vain to warm yourself, you will be ensconced in a lifestyle that most people can only dream about (if they can manage to sleep).
We have four boots ready for immediate occupancy. Contact us and tell us about yourself, about your romantic longings and shortcomings, and how much you want to live the boot way of life, and we'll be in touch first thing in the morning with an itemized quote for your consideration. Price is negotiable and money is no object and if you have to ask how much it costs, you probably can afford it. If you don't hear back from us, don't worry, it just means we're too full of ourselves.
Each boot is comparable in size to a studio apartment in New York City or a two-bedroom flat in Tokyo. Prepare to be positively spoiled (quite possibly spoiled rotten). You shan't want to leave.
The Green Room
Green is not only the color of money (at least American) and of frogs, but of a few peoples' eyes. When LLL himself is tired after a long day in the studio, his eyes morph into a forest green color. In honor of LLL's tired eye color, we have appointed the boot of this Rolls Royce with a popinjay green.
The Yellow Room
"The Yellow Room looks green to me", you may be thinking, but you are most grievously wrong, my good man (woman/child/fetus/chimp/charlatan). In fact, this boot is decorated in the colors of the national fruit of Costa Rica, the banana. The banana is an exotic fruit whose shape and taste are nearly impossible to describe. Andy Warhol tried to popularize it in the 1960s, but failed miserably, as the general public deemed the art to be too abstract.
The Red Room
For all you vampire vixens and goth gents, here is the boot for you. It was painstakingly detailed in the exact shade of red as human blood (once oxygenated). This one will go fast, so hurry and send in a plea for it before the stroke of midnight. Should you tarry, the boot shall turn into the trunk of a Citroen Deux Chevaux.
The Other Green Room
We liked the way the Green Room looked so much, we called in the designer to make a replica of it. This is his faithful reproduction of the original Green Room. Even though it is an exact replica, the price is the same, because you won't be able to tell the difference (indeed, the only difference is that the patina of this room is slightly lighter due to it being a week older).
Small print (not so small, really)
- We do discriminate on the basis of race. If you have ever been in a race, whether that be running, swimming, or even walking, we will favour you, because we too have run and swum races and can identify more with you than with someone who has never competed in such an event.-We do discriminate on the basis of sex. If you plan to have a lot of sex, keep in mind that the boot is directly above the petrol (gas, to our American fans) tank, and friction could spark a passionate petrochemical explosion.
- We do discriminate on the basis of national origin. If you were not born within the boundaries of a nation -- that is, if you were born at sea, or in space, or in Boulder Colorado -- you will likely lose to a person who comes from an actual country.
- In the spirit of full disclosure, it should be noted that the first occupant expired (of natural causes, more or less) whilst living in the boot, and I cannot guarantee that his remains have been removed yet (Note to self: Call Jeeves and inquire as to the status of the exhumation).
Big print (not so big, really)
This is the big print.
Oh -- and don't forget to apply for residence in one of our luxurious boots!
-LLL
