Lonely London Lad: Frequently Asked Silly Questions
I enjoy silly questions, and answering them amuses me. Do you remember in school when the teacher would say, "There is no such thing as a silly question"? The teacher was just being nice. There are indeed silly questions, and at birth we all are given a fixed supply of them to ask. Some people ask them in rapid succession, learn from them, and get smarter; while others space the silly questions out evenly across their lifetime. Some never ask at all, and take all their silly questions with them to the next life (if you happen to believe in reincarnation), where they are required to ask them over and over. Sometimes I feel the world is being overrun by these reincarnated silly-question-askers.
I define a silly question as one that has an answer which can be easily found, by someone with full faculties, either through common sense, or with the help of the dark art known as 'reading'. The fact that you are reading this means that you probably didn't ask one of these questions yourself. So it's "the other ones" I'm talking about.
Here are some choice nuggets that I get asked often enough to remember. I am not pointing out anybody in particular here, mostly because I don't remember who asked them, and didn't take time to answer until now. The answers are deadpan.
Are you a band?
Yes. This, by the way, is the ultimate lazy question, because the writer asks it out of laziness, but would have exerted even less effort by simply clicking on my MySpace link. As a footnote: I have a theory that the lazier you are, the more work you will end up having to do in your life; I call it "The Lazy Paradox", but I won't spend time on that here, because I am feeling lazy...
Are you a band or a clothing company?
We are a band who, like many bands, sells merchandise in addition to music. It's a marketing strategy known as diversification. The more products you have to sell, the more overall revenue you can generate.
Why are you interested in making money if you are a band?
For the same reason you want to stay warm when it is cold. It has to do with survival, on many levels.
Are you a band or a business?
Both. Like many professional musicians, we realize it is necessary to make money to stay in the profession, and to be able to operate in a professional manner.
How do you find the time to write all these blogs if you're a professional musician?
That's actually a non-silly question. The answer: Because I am a silly workaholic.
Are you a band or a record company?
Both. We produce and sell our own recordings.
What kind of music do you play?
Music is better understood by listening to it than by reading about it. Our MySpace page has a player with some of our songs included, which you can listen to if you want to do it that way. Actually, there is no other way, since I'm not going to describe the music in writing.
Are you going to be touring through [insert-incredibly-remote-place-name-here]?
We may come through Outer Mongolia within the next 40 years, but in case you are not there then, a short-term solution, since you enjoyed the music enough to ask that question, is to get our CDs. One of the benefits of this is: Over the next 40 years, you will learn the songs well enough to sing along at the concert. Nobody likes going to a concert where all the songs are new and unknown.
Are you lonely?
Are the Stones rolling? Is Bowie a knife? Are "The Killers" murderers? Do "The Hives" tend bees in their spare time? Is Moby a dick?
Are you as crazy as you appear in "Dick And Jane" or "Drop Dead Lizzie"?
Worse, much worse.
How is the weather in London?
Though I do many different things, providing weather updates (especially for a city in which I do not reside) is not one of them.
Do you guys have any CDs?
Our MySpace page has an enormous graphic on top advertising the latest CD, with a hyperlink to our shopping cart; and there are many other places on that page where it is mentioned and linked to.
Where can I get your stuff?
There are multiple links from our MySpace profile page. You can also google "Lonely London Lad" and our web site (named lonelylondonlad.com, for some strange reason) is the first search result.
Are these your shirts?
Yes, the shirts that say "Lonely London Lad" are our shirts. The ones that say "Jonas Brothers World Tour" are not ours.
Do you guys do a lot of [insert_drug_name_here]? Because it sure sound like you do a lot of [insert_drug_name_here].
No.
Do you know where I can buy some [insert_drug_name_here]?
No.
who r u?
I already addressed this question in my "Worst MySpace Comments" blog, but wanted to put it here as well because it is so silly, and so often-asked.
Were you totally angry when you wrote this?
On the contrary: I was pleasantly amused. I find irony medicinal. It helps make sense of the senselessness all around. Music, too.
LLL
